Upside Down

I was listening to Jack Johnson's newest CD today, the soundtrack to Curious George. I love, love, love his music. Anyway, I was listening to his CD and it's a very sweet and positive album, quite fitting for a children's movie. There's a song about how it's fun to share with everyone and one about importance of recycling. The track I find most notable is, "Upside Down." I like it a lot because, it's all about possiblities. It's funny how we teach kids all these meaningful life lessons, that all they need to do is believe in themselves and that they can do whatever they put their minds to, yet we forget them so easily ourselves.

My mom told me that when I was little and had just moved here from the Philippines, I really didn't know English very well. My mom used to have little competitions for me and my siblings. She would ask us, "Ok, who can sing a song for me?" And she said I would always be the first to volunteer and I would sing a song in English (which I apparently learned from watching Sesame Street). Anyway my song always turned out okay. My point is that I had no fear. As I child, I was confident in myself and in my abilities, and yet as an adult with more skills, more training, and more knowledge, I've lost all of that. I always second-guess myself, and many times, my first instinct is to believe that the answers I come up with must be wrong.

Anyway, I'm tired of this crap, and I think that I've probably lost my confidence because I'm psyching myself out. I'm resting on my laurels and have yet to reach my full potential and have somehow convinced myself that it's perfectly acceptable to be content with mediocrity. One of my roommates is in Vietnam, teaching and making a difference or at least trying really, really hard to effect change. My first-year roommate will be done with law school and will no doubt be lawyering it up somewhere in a year. My other roommate is going to apply to RAND and will probably get in because he is one, smart mofo (damn him).

I, on the other hand, am reaching my mid-20s with very litte to show for it, so now it's sink or swim time. I'm either going to get bogged down with this job and this life, or I'm going to move toward something better.

I think I'm going to choose something better, thank you. And, since promising opportunites have opened up around me, I think I'll try my best to take advantage of them. Wish me luck ...